Honeymoon has a beginning and an end, but one of the ways to retaining the honey in marriage after you must have left the moon and facing the reality of marriage is ‘dating your spouse’.
Since marriage is commitment personified, the first thing to know about dating in marriage is being committed to dating itself. If you are not committed to your marriage and spouse, how can you then commit to dating your spouse in marriage! In essence, you must be committed to your spouse and dating will be a given. Next is to ensure that your relationship with your spouse is dynamic.
It is expedient that married couples understand that LOVE is a flame, if you don’t keep it buzzing, it may be quenched. Dating your spouse in marriage keeps the flame of love blazing. Don’t let being married transform you to an ‘old- school’. In the school of love, love never ages. While dating is not only about ‘date nights’ which is not bad in itself you may ask yourself: ‘how else do I date my spouse now that I am married?’
I hope the following tips will be of help:
- Never take each other for granted. Place value on what your spouse value. There will always be individual differences as a result of upbringing, gender, to mention a few. Understanding of each other’s differences should bring respect, a healthy couple should consider each other, not set out to hurt the other person only to apologize afterwards. I have a close friend whose husband does not reckon with birthdays, but she loves to be celebrated on such special days. Each year comes with fresh arguments which brings unsettlement and strain on their relationship. Either of the partner should strive to identify what they place value on and appreciate it.
- Often times, surprise each other with gifts (it may necessarily not be expensive), but the thought behind it is what counts. At every point in our lives, we have a need, you can spur a surprise and meet the need that he/she already voiced out or you have visibly noticed.
- Go on a date alone and also play date with other couples. Visit some romantic places, in so doing be mindful of where you go to especially in the late evenings lest you experience what I experienced sometimes ago. I could remember a place my date (husband) and I once visited in the company of two of our family friends (couples). While we were enjoying cool music, taking pepper soup and drinks, the atmosphere suddenly changed with the emergence of almost nude ladies …. I will not go on from here on that point.
- Keep up maintaining a good appearance for your spouse (man/woman). Don’t stop looking good just because you are married. I could remember once upon a time when my hubby insisted I resigned to take care of my 16 month old son and a 3 month old baby girl. They were quite handful for a young wife that I was then especially without a help. Whilst my hubby was away to work I made sure I freshen up, wear dresses sometimes ‘fits for his eyes’ alone to meet him by the door. It never mattered that I was using ‘hair cover’ before his arrival for convenience while tidying up of the house or cooking. For him, I make it a big deal to look good for him at all times, even till date. I dare say that looking good is also not all about make-ups, you should look good inside – out. Part of looking good is also keeping fit. Make sure you connect with yourself (body).
- Unannounced visit to each other’s office or place of work is allowed provided your partner is not ‘anti-surprise’ personified. Often times, it is fun when your partner cannot predict the extent you can go to show how much you care and show that you are in love with them. At other times, you can engage the service of someone to show up on your behalf with a lunch pack or a lunch invite. Bear in mind that you don’t have to constitute a distraction for long that would cause unnecessary strain for him/her at the office. You can show up briefly, place a kiss on his/her lip and you already left a landmark. Is that mischievous?
- Connect with your spouse in a non-sexual act. Soft touches, hugs and kisses are conscious actions that can keep the fire constantly on in your marriage. These actions are necessarily not only to initiate sex. When you practice this, you will be amazed at how easy it becomes to bond almost effortlessly. You can place a kiss while your partner is sleeping, you can caress his/her neck, place your partners head or leg on your laps and just do a little massaging, place your hand on his/her laps while driving. It is not all about sex!
- Cultivate the habit of asking each other about your day. It doesn’t have to be a long or detailed story. Simply ask: ‘Honey, how did your day go?’ Let your partner know that you are interested in him/ her in totality.
- Sit on same couch even when there are obviously other spaces to sit in the room. Fall asleep on each other’s arms. This may not be a regular act but you can consciously do this once in a while.
- Share the stories of how you met and fall in love. It brings sweet memories. Do not share it with your partner alone, you can tell the stories to your children, friends, families or the world at large.
- Stare at your partner either when he/she sees you or not and compliment him/her. Don’t only comment when your partner is not looking on point. When your partner looks great, say it. This reminds me of those era when my husband tells me that once he doesn’t comments on my look it means I am looking great. (Thank God the story has changed).
- Let your partner assist you to do the obvious things you can do and assist your partner in doing same. Simple task like buttoning of shirt, fastening of bra or knotting a tie are simple gesture that speaks volume. I don’t zip up or loosen all by myself once my partner is around!
- Before you part daily, tell your partner you love him/her and couldn’t wait to see him/her. Don’t be scared that saying ‘I love you’ always may erode its potency. You can’t say it enough.
- Pursuing your wife. You shouldn’t stop wooing her just because you both said, “I do.” Many relationships stop growing because people stop taking the initiative to pursue one another.
- Respect each other and show love in ways mentioned above and many more you will discover.
- In a situation where your partner is not ready to play date with you, give it time, discover what he likes and explore it. If he loves to play or watch football, be a fan of his club and if you are an opponent to his team, start from there. At least, that is a common ground for both of you.
It is a true saying that it takes ‘two to tango’ however in dating game, the exciting news is that it can start with one partner at first and with the above mentioned points ,eventually the other partner will catch on.
Moreso, every person has their area of adventure or interest, this is your best tip in dating your partner, discover it and explore it.
As I drop my pen, it is worth noting that dating is a time where you get to learn about someone in a special and unique way. It is a time of fun! Why would you want that to ever stop? It shouldn’t. There is no doubt that different seasons exist in marriage, there will be times you feel loved or otherwise, there will be pleasant times, but also rough intervals but in all of these it is my submission that you date your spouse yet again, pursue your partner passionately, now that you understand that marriage should not put dating to extinct. Lastly, remember this: ‘Love is ‘doing’, put effort in doing loving things and the ‘feeling of being loved’ will set in’.
Thank you for reading!