The success of the marriage lies solely in the hands of the two who agreed to go into marriage union.
It becomes burdensome for one person to play the role of two persons; hence neither the husband nor wife should leave their roles for the other to play.
Though, the societal and environment keep dictating at will, the ideal roles to be played by the partners in marriage contrary to God’s design which has been the same since the creation of the earth; never allow that because if it was sure at first, it wouldn’t change later.
This doesn’t mean that such roles may not be intertwined, changed or even played out by the other persons especially when the inevitable or unexpected such as loss of job of partner, illness or any form of incapacitation happens to either of the partners.
The marital vows of each couple would be tested at some point or the other. Overcoming this test is what we call success in marriage. This test has no regard for the age of the couple or the time they have been together.
In other words, success is not vague! It is measurable and visible. A successful marriage is a union where the individuals involved sees themselves as team players. It is an error to leave marital success to just one partner; this will only lead to the failure of the team.
Therefore, a successful marriage is not a union of two perfect beings but of imperfect individuals with the following attributes:
Checklist Of A Successful Marriage
- God’s Word Is Their Standard. A Successful couple makes God’s word the standard and basis for the things they do. It is not about, “this is how it’s been done in my family”, or “this is how it’s been done in the Jones’s house”, etc. God’s word is placed above tribe, gender, culture or the modern views and ways. Indeed, God’s standard is the measuring rod for their success. That is the principle guiding a successful marriage. God is love; what you don’t have you can’t give. You need to have God in you to have love.
- They Take ‘WE’ Over ‘Me’. Marriage is not about one person, but two that became one. Everyone must have the change of mind-set from ‘me’ to ‘us’. A team is not one person. More than that, the ability to take the other person in is a long-lasting secret.
- They Strive To Understand Each Other’s Point Of View (Perception). This is key to effective communication. You can only achieve this by practicing all the levels of communication i.e. speaking, listening etc. It is impossible to meet a need you are not aware of, just as it is impossible to open a door without the right key. Communication is the key to discovering differences and needs.
- They Have Found A Friend In Each Other. Beyond being husbands and wives, couples are each other’s friends. They are pals; in fact, marriage doesn’t change them from being ‘gist’ partners. The bond of friendship is the igniting key that sets the union on fire when it is becoming cold. They engage in small talks and savours each other’s company even when they are saying nothing to each other, but necessarily needing to fill every moment with something save for one another.
- Love, Understanding, Respects Are Mutual. They should be points on which couples have consideration for each other. Couples should treat each other the way they want to be treated.
- These Couples Know They Are Imperfect. You will make mistakes, but you must be prepared to forgive and be disciplined enough not to repeat the mistake. But if the mistake is made again, the heart must be big enough to forgive and embrace the other.
- Prayer Is Their Weapon. The most powerful prayer is not the one said on the mountain, but that agreement between the husband and the wife with one heart. It speaks volume, it is special, and God honours such. Praying together is the fuel to staying together.
- These Couples Are Committed & Strive To Be Committed All Time. To have a stable and intimate marriage relationship, make your commitment to your partner stronger than your commitment to yourself. Then you will experience success in your union as a couple.
In conclusion, it takes two to make a marriage work and as mentioned above, it cannot be over-emphasised that each unique role should be taken seriously. Nearly every marriage started with a huge celebration and high expectations for a brighter future. But, because marriage is a journey, there are bound to be surprises and unexpected happenings along the path.
Often times, we are not prepared or ready to face those challenges. However, you either choose to equip yourself to overcome such obstacles and move ahead or you try to turn back. Whatever level you are in your relationship today, I want you to know that every success is a battle won! Fight for your spouse and together fight to build a successful marriage.
I look forward to hearing your success story as you put all these into action!