Jealousy Management


Issues of excessive jealousy can be a serious challenge in relationships especially when it is not handled well. I was teaching some days ago on Spousal Jealousy and a partner was said to have installed CTV cameras in every area of the house including the car.

There are two types of jealousy: There is one that is based on fact, another on assumption(pathological). Either case, jealousy is a feeling that comes out of fear of losing a loved one to someone else or something else. It may also be a sense of threat towards someone you love.

People express jealousy in different forms, varying from over-protection, excessive ownership, abuse, violence, etc.

Either jealousy is based on fact or assumption: the following are helpful ways to deal with excessive jealousy:

How Can One Create or Reduce His/her Jealousy?

  1.  Communication: The root of most issues in marriage came from communication. When there is communication breakdown, it is like a broken wall that attracts serpent and other dangerous things to come in and wreak havoc. So, even when in doubt or there is evidence to feel jealous, let the communication channel be opened always. It can prevent jealousy and can also rebuild. Tell your partner how his/her jealousy is affecting you or express your feelings of jealousy, whichever case it is.
  2. Build trust: Trust is very crucial in relationships. Jealousy is just one of the fruits that distrust bears.
  3. Couples should learn to ask questions. Not in manners that portray distrust, but for clarification purposes.
  4. What will you do if your partner betrays your trust? It is important that you give this a thought. Most importantly, it is to note that eliminating your partner or the threat is not the solution to the feeling of jealousy.
  5. Take a breather. What is the consequence of your action or inaction? If you had created the room for your partner to be jealous, there is consequence for such. If you had acted negatively on your jealousy, there are consequences for it.

My point is, before taking that action, have you considered the consequence?

That road is not such that you might want to tread.

If the jealousy is getting out of hand, just like when headache persist and you keep taking painkillers, it is an indication to see a professional.

At every point in time, committing your relationship to God is very helpful. Only God can change us. I encourage people to tell God about the areas where they are experiencing discomfort in their relationships.


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